"It's malignant"

They say your life can change on a dime...On March 8th, mine changed direction and focus.

The day started off like any other Monday. We told Shawn to have a good day when he left for work. Giada had her morning bottle, I changed her into her outfit for the day, we played with her toys, then we went downstairs to hang-out with the pups and really start our day. So we went on with our daily routine while waiting for Shawn to get home. I put Giada down for a nap and started dinner. Shawn came home and we were chatting while I cooked, then my phone rang. He answered it for me and then gave me the phone. It was my Mom.


As most of you already know, anytime Shawn has to go out of town for an extended period of time, I pack up Giada and the pups and we head to Nonno and Mamie's for a visit. On one of our last visits in February, Mom discovered some discoloration on her breast and a knot at the center of it. I told her she needed to find a Dr. in NC and make an appointment to be seen. She did. They did a mammogram and a ultrasound and saw a calcification. Well, they wanted to know if this calcification was on her last mammogram films so they sent off for them. While waiting, they treated the discoloration as a mammary gland infection with antibiotics. They received the films and the calcification was new so they wanted to do a biopsy. They told her they would have the results back on March 10th.

No big deal that Mom was calling, we talk twice a day normally. I said hello and she asked what I was doing (again, routine) I told her I was making dinner and she said "I'm glad Shawn's home" (now a little odd). I asked her what she was doing and she said they just left the Dr.s office (silence) she said "it's malignant" , I swallowed and said the first thing that came to my mind "It is what it is and we do what we need to do." This has become my mantra. I say it everyday!

Mom and I finished our conversation. I put the phone down and finished dinner in silence. Shawn broke the silence when he said "that did not sound good" I said "Well, because it's not" I explained that Mom has Inflammatory Breast Cancer which is rare. They needed to do a scan to see if had spread and then they were going to start chemo and radiation. She will need a Mastectomy, but with this specific kind, they are not able to do it right away. They need to get it to 'freeze mode' before they can operate on it. I could tell he was pretty shaken. He wanted to know when they were going to start treatment and wanted it all to be now, now, now. Shawn knows what it feels like to lose a Mother. So if there was anything that could be done to save mine, he wanted it done YESTERDAY! I explained that some things are going to take time and then put dinner on the table. We ate and then I told him I was going to take a shower.

I turned the water on, got in, slid down the wall onto the floor of the shower and just fell apart while the water enveloped me. After about 20 minutes of breakdown, I wiped my eyes, stood up and told God it wasn't too much to handle and that with him by my side this disease was NOT going to beat my family. I'm still going strong, no breakdowns- just talks.

I'm not saying dealing with cancer is easy, emotionally it is very hard. I drove my Mom to get her head shaved. Giada and I both witnessed it. Giada smiled while it was happening and then she looked at my Mom with her shaved head and laughed. To Giada, she was still Mamie and to me she was still Mom. I guess you can say I'm choosing to look at this with "Rose Colored Glasses" As a mother, I do not have time to dwell in negativity because I want to teach my child about the positive aspects of life. Life is not always pretty but I want Giada to know, it is how you deal with what is dealt to you that makes you who you are. I want her to know without a doubt life is worth living no matter what kind of life it is.

I love my family life and cancer does not define us!

until next time...
xoxo,
Amanda